It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
