Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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