did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
