You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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