Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
