dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We left an ass print on the piano.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
