they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
