I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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