you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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