he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
