Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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