The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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