i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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