Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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