she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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