guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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