We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize