At least make sure they are 18
Why
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
