You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
