Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
