I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
