i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
