Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
