guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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