just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
