omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
