he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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