I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
