so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
