Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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