we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
