We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
