My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
