my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YAS. BRING CRAB.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
