I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
