I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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