if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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