i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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