Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
