No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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