Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
