Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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