Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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