You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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