just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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