woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Everclear isn't food dammit
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