you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
