He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
