FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
