Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
