It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
