An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
