So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
