My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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