He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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