One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
