Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
