i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
