we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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