Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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